When I was a kid, my favorite book was called The monster at the end of the book. It
Now there’s an existential thing we can go with that, are we the real monsters? Definitely, and I’ll talk about that at the end of this post, but we are also the angels as well. We are both Jekyll and Hyde.
The real message is that we are scared of things that aren’t real, and we are scared of them
We condition ourselves to believe that we can’t handle the thing that worries us because it makes our lives easier. When we are almost honest with ourselves, we realize we can get through almost anything, we just don’t want to. Change involves resistance, as real change is not possible without grating against what is already there. We often don’t want to think about how we are not happy with where we are in life, but we have grown accustomed to it. Complacent.
The next fact we pretend not to notice, the most exciting and terrifying one, is that the page isn’t written yet. We not only have to turn the page, we have to write that next one, too. The sheer possibilities are overwhelming and deafening, but if we do not like what we are writing, we can simply change the page. You might feel like everything’s stuck, but you and the next page are turnable.
So what are we all afraid of? The things that hold us back, as counselors will be too happy to tell you, are our automatic beliefs, our irrational thoughts. But where did these come from? Most of them sunk deep down into our unconscious from negative experiences in childhood, things that often times were too painful, but always something that didn’t jive with the way we see ourself. Our unconscious (the things we don’t know about ourselves) is massive, dwarfing our consciousness, the things we do know and can recall. Our unconscious keeps thoughts hidden from your conscious mind until you are ready to see them, which is why you might have or are finally able to accept a life changing insight into your life, long after you should have.
These things we push down, the things we take as the monster inside of us, forms what Carl Jung called the “shadow”. The shadow contains our negative behaviors and emotions that are unacceptable for us to own. It is monstrous to us often not because it is a real monster, it is just something in ourselves that we do not accept. Its power lies in us not being conscious of it, and once we can integrate it we can use it in a positive way. This is not to mean that it is something we should proudly proclaim or act on but it is something that we should look at, learn about. It is universal, we shouldn’t get too bummed out because anything and anyone conscious has one as “any light must cast a shadow”. The more you deny that your shadow is there, the larger and denser it grows.
These shadowy figures mistaken for monsters dance about directing too much of our lives, and we are so afraid to look at them that we can’t see that they are the shadows of lifeless and harmless mounds. We keep them animated with our energy, and we do this because we are afraid to face them. That childlike and formless fear grips us, but it is with our own hands.
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Did anyone else read this book when they were young? Have thoughts on things? Want to just type something so
I’d love to hear your suggestions for how to deal with the anxiety of turning those pages. I thinking knowing the monster is just me, and I’m not gonna bite too hard helps…but what do you think helps have the courage to keep moving? Support systems? Affirmations? Or just taking a deep breath and doing it?
To have the courage to keep moving I want to say some kind of meaningless and vaguely mystical saying like “you have to align the meaning of your action with your self” or something. I think you do have to do all the things you listed, you have to realize that anxiety is a big thing that you’re taking out and so you have to go about it at all angles. You also can realize that small improvements, using healthy support, affirming yourself, is in a way taking a big breath and doing it. It sounds nitpicky, but I think keeping a log of the things you are doing helps because you can see the things that you are making improvements on and the things that you danced around leaning on support systems and affirmations like a crutch. Trusting and being honest and resolute with yourself is necessary for all of these.
This is a long-winded way of saying love yourself enough to be honest and make small improvements. This could be eliminating thought patterns or cutting out behaviors or doing a thing that scares you. Everybody is built differently, so everyone needs their own path. Albert Ellis who invented REBT made a resolution to talk and ask out a 100 women a day to get over his anxiety of talking to girls as a student. Using this flooding technique helps you realize that you are not going to die to do a thing and you can overcome it. Solving your anxiety by doing more anxiety causing things is a hard sell for a lot of people, so if that doesn’t work for you realize the different ways you can make small improvements and continue with that.
Every blog entry from y’all is a journal entry for me. Nothing I am ready to share yet but I have pages of thoughts that y’all have already helped me work through. Thanks for being willing to be open and sharing y’alls minds with us.
Thanks for reading! if you ever want us to go into a topic more or me write on something specific, let me know.
All this talk about stopping denying and start accepting sounds great! But you can’t really do anything until you start finding it. Accepting something from your shadow side is only possible if you can realize it. One of the easiest ways to do that is from an analyst named Tess Castleman, and it is to think of an actor, musician, or anyone you don’t really know that you really don’t like. You might think they are weak, or stupid, or just the worst even though you don’t know anything about them. It is very likely you are projecting those feelings onto them, because they remind you of of something that you don’t like about yourself. Anytime you have a strong reaction, and you don’t really know why (or you say you do but it’s just to cover up the fact that you don’t), it is very likely the shadow being all up in there.
Other ways to find it can be in examining our exaggerated feelings towards others, or in our reaction when we feel humiliated and/or shamed.
There is so much to be talked about with this, and I would be delighted to go into it in the future. We could talk about the collective shadow that holds cultures together, and how it is near eruption in America, or how the shadow is autonomous and has permeated through different cultures, time periods and psychologies, but most importantly how to integrate it to improve our lives
Reminds me of a Palahniuk quote.
“Maybe the only thing each of us can see is our own shadow.
Carl Jung called this his shadow work. He said we never see others. Instead we see only aspects of ourselves that fall over them. Shadows. Projections. Our associations.”
Great quote, it’s kind of crazy that we can’t see someone how they really are, we project our own hopes and fears onto them. Understanding and owning your own shadow is the main way you can see someone clearly and how they truly are. We can’t see others truly until we see and accept ourselves.