Half-Frosted Wheats

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
The Gospel of Thomas

Well my mini-wheats, we are still sailing on, but I misjudged as a new captain and we are not out of the conventional waters yet.  We have discussed the shadow in Grover and other places, but what is the shadow of? What’s throwing all that shade is the ego, and we can think of that as the “I” that we are conscious of.  So everything you know about yourself gets thrown here, it is the “you” you know. The shadow is the part of you that you are unwilling to accept, so you not only don’t “know” it but when you are first shown it you naturally deny it. So instead of taking responsibility for that part we project it out onto people and situations in the world.

Those Masks

Another part of our unconscious is the persona, it’s what we wrap ourselves up in to make others think we are filling a role. The persona is how we wish to be seen by the world, how we fit in.  The actual word Persona comes from the masks that Greek actors used to wear to indicate the particular role they were playing, and that is the easiest way to think about it. It is a mask that you wear to appear a certain way so that people will think you are filling a particular role. A feigned individuality.  

Think of the persona as the part of you that automatically says “I”m fine, how are you?” when asked, even when you are not.  If you personify that voice, it would show the archetype of the persona. The persona always chooses the socially acceptable thing (for the group it wants to belong in.)

We’re All Wearing Them

A new father may want to be seen as a strong father and might adopt traits that are quite disciplinary because he thinks he should have them, even if he is real chill and doesn’t want to hulk out or yell at his kids. A person at work goes along with a conversation that is banal and stupid, without realizing that others engaging in it probably hate it too. A student may try to act completely different than they feel is right to fit in with the group. I remember my persona in school was that of an honest-to-goodness douchebag, someone who tried so hard to appear in control and masculine, even though I felt like none of those things.  I had the persona (and the shadow) though, and tried to keep the mask of a tough rebel on, or at least what a 14 year old thinks a tough rebel is, for like 25 years. Long after it should have run its course, after a coma, expulsion from schools as well as various meaningful relationships, and trips to county jails throughout Texas.

My main persona was less focused on me fitting in and more me appearing a certain way. That really equated to me to being intoxicated on something and trying to impress someone with some sort of juvenile heroics. There were some points, sometimes several year-long ones, where that was all I was. I never felt like it was really me, but I thought that if I just kept doing it, it would work out. I would feel competent and deserving if others thought I was and it didn’t matter how I felt.  How often do we all think that in some form? Just like that definition of insanity, I kept on doing the same thing and hoping it would yield a different result. I was a teenager and we all try on different masks then, but I kept the mask on tight throughout my 20’s, only being able to take it off in grad school. Then I slipped on ever weirder masks at the beginning of my 30s and it wasn’t until last summer I could start to feel comfortable with my unmasked self (which is still pretty weird, but freeing). While I have developed and try to keep that old mask out of my immediate wardrobe, it still slips on when I am not cautious and feel diminished in some form. Vigilance is required to see not only what we’re projecting onto others, but also ourselves.

Day-to-Day

We will often continue to do things after they have stopped working for us.  They might work for a part of us, but we are not a part, we are a whole. A persona does not have to be bad, and it is normally much easier to wear one instead of your true self.  Over the course of a day, I put on many personas. My workday has several, as I don’t interact the same with a student as I do with my caseworker, and even that is different than talking to my supervisor or principal. If I see my mom, or my friends, I will have different ones for each.  Everyone does. This is not a problem, and I think it is unavoidable (unless you’re fully enlightened, which is wild because do you even exist?)

It becomes a problem when you forget you are wearing a mask.  You become your job, or the overly disciplinary dad, or a teenage douche, or whatever role you are playing and you forget about the person behind it. Don’t blame yourself for wearing a mask, as that often just makes us tie on one tighter. You have to keep in mind though, when your persona is in control you no longer have control, just like when the shadow strikes and the ego is dumbfounded, here your individual wants are pushed down in order to maintain your ego’s sense of belonging.


I got excited and wrote too much again, tomorrow we will briefly analyze a classic story that has all the pieces we’ve been talking about.

Pics by the Gentleman